born 1 December 1970

Cole Gittinger (died 15 March 2009), Toledo, Ohio, boom operator
Geert Vlegels, Beveren, Belgium, boom operator
Golden Brooks, San Francisco, California, actress
James DeValera Mansfield, Frankfurt, West Germany, animator
Jouko Ahola, Hämeenlinna, Finland, World’s Strongest Man 1997 & 1999
Julie Condra, Ballinger, Texas, actress
Juan Souter, birthplace unspecified, American set dresser/swing gang boss
Kirk Rueter, Hoyleton, Illinois, major league pitcher
Mark A. White, Houston, Texas, short filmmaker
Matthew Sanchez, San Jose, California, porn star Rod Majors
Robert C. Romanus, Hollywood, California, production assistant not to be confused with the guy who played Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High
Sarah Silverman, Bedford, New Hampshire, actress/comedian
Tabbetha Foxx, birthplace unspecified, American porn star
Todd Steussie, Canoga Park, California, NFL football player


Impertinent questions Today’s Winner might have for her fellow birthday boys and girls*:

“Isn’t it the knobs and wires you have to ‘operate’? Isn’t the boom just a stick you hold that’s attached to the stuff you’re operating? You can’t really operate a stick, can you?”

“Did you read a lot of Golden Books as a child? Follow up question: do you like it when people pee on you in the shower?”

“Do the Frankfurters hold some kind of wiener festival every year?”

“How do you pronounce your last name?”

“Do you have a sister named Anna?”

“Being related to a Supreme Court justice must do wonders for your pussy-getting, huh?”

“Has anyone ever told you you look like you were drawn by R. Crumb?”

“Is there a big banner at your family reunion that says ‘WELCOME WHITES’? How do the black members of your family feel about that?”

“Come on: what’s your real porn name?”

“Aren’t you the guy that played Damone in Fast Times at Ridgemont High?”

“What’s the porn term for days you can’t go in to work because you’re having your period?”

“Which part of your pro football career felt the least gay to you: the part where you could say ‘I’m a Viking!’, the part where you could say ‘I’m a Panther!’, the part where you could say ‘I’m a Buccaneer!’, or the part where you could say ‘I’m a Ram!’?”


*Or, I should say, questions Today’s Winner’s character of the same name on her recently canceled self-titled TV show might ask; the inscrutable thing about comedians who get their own TV shows is you never can quite tell where the person ends and the persona begins…