born 30 April 1970

Catherine Schneider, Berne, Switzerland, costume designer

Chris Ziesmer (died 17 January 1997), birthplace unspecified, American actor

Christopher Kendra, Harrisburg, Pennsylvania, actor

Diana Lamas, Buenos Aires, Argentina, actress/niece of Lorenzo Lamas

Gert Raudsep, birthplace unspecified, Estonian actor

Graham Cairns, Saskatoon, Saskatchewan, additional third assistant director

Halit Ergenç, Istanbul, Turkey, actor

Isabella Santacroce, Riccione, Italy, writer

Jerry Tracy, birthplace unspecified, Mormon actor

Judith Penn, birthplace unspecified, Hungarian porn star

Martin Bédard, Greenfield Park, Quebec, actor

Michael M.B.Galvin, Syracuse, New York, writer

Raffaello Kramm, Berlin, East Germany, actor

Sándor Bencze, birthplace unspecified, Hungarian actor

Todd Medina, Santa Ana, California, ultimate fighter/assistant blood analyst

Remember when the internet was good for little else than stuff like this?

Today’s Winner has a name that looks like a disorderly slate of Scrabble tiles. I immediately thought about the potential for anagrams in his name. Wow, are there ever a lot of them.

A few of my favorites:

TAPERED RUGS

PRESAGED RUT

SERRATED PUG

GUT SPREADER

AGREED SPURT

URGES DEPART

GUEST DRAPER

STAGED PURER

SUPER GRATED

DATE PURGERS

GUARD PESTER

GREATER SPUD

PRESAGE TURD

REPEAT DRUGS

GREAT PRUDES

STAGE PURRED

and so forth

born 29 April 1970

Andre Agassi, Las Vegas, Nevada, tennis player

Barbie Brooks, birthplace unspecified, American porn dilettante

China Forbes, Cambridge, Massachusetts, singer

Corey Shanee Parks, Anaheim, California, sister of Cherokee Parks

Darren Hird, London, England, actor

Eric Larkin, Harbor City, California, actor

Hunter Phoenix, Saint Catherines, Ontario, actress

Jari Kainulainen, birthplace unspecified, Finnish heavy metal bass player

Oliver Heath, Brighton, England, interior decorator

Pawel Delag, Kraków, Poland, actor

Uma Thurman, Boston, Massachusetts, actress

Gosh, Uma Thurman. Is she only forty? It seems like only weeks ago I saw her walking her dog through Union Square Park. Actually it was more like 16 or 17 years ago. Her career has been a great success, when you consider that her talent has been a tad, shall we say, one-note. Really the pinnacle will always be Mia Wallace. It’s a winning performance, chiefly in that the character of Mia Wallace speaks to the fact that pretty women, initially enticing and mysterious, can so often turn out to be haggard and boring.

Today’s Winner: the aura will continue to increase as time passes. I couldn’t stand the guy for the first ten years of his career. But he persisted, and he won me over. And I trust the general weirdness surrounding the guy will be a gift that keeps on giving. Especially if either of his and Steffi Graf’s kids ever choose to pick up a racket.

born 28 April 1970

Aimee Lynne Tenaglia, Hornell, New York, it’s unclear what she does now but she’s no longer the actor or the lawyer she once was

Arturo Paglia, Naples, Italy, actor

Bobby Deen, Albany, Georgia, son of Paula Deen

Bryan Baker, Dublin, Ireland, actor

Csaba Schlachtovszky, birthplace unspecified, Hungarian TV writer

David Ross Elliott, Dublin, Ireland, actor

David Freidin, birthplace unspecified, American assistant editor

Diego Simeone, Buenos Aires, Argentina, soccer player

Elina Salovaara, Vaasa, Finland, actress

Inge Posmyk, Biberach an der Riß, West Germany, TV news anchorwoman

Kathleen McClellan, Bloomington, Illinois, actress

Nicklas Lidström, Avesta, Sweden, Olympic hockey gold medalist

Notla Yogy Doow, Bristol, England, animation associate producer

Sean Silas, birthplace unspecified, American TV movie writer

Sherry Zwerin, Ubon, Thailand, American actress

Sophie Dion, birthplace unspecified, Québécois actress

Vince Duffy, Los Angeles, California, himself

I’m making Today’s Winner Arturo Paglia, simply on the basis of his hometown. It’s frustrating to me that I’m pushing forty and have never been to Italy. Furthermore, everybody I know who’s been to Naples says it’s great, yet great in a grimy, scary, and wholly untouristy way. So it’s high on the list of Italian places I want to visit…yet how can I put it ahead of all the others? And how old will I actually be when I ever find the time or money to go, if ever? A conundrum. I guess one always has to have a list of aspirational destinations that one never actually reaches. For me, that list is destined to remain awfully long.

born 27 April 1970

Elizabeth Marmur, birthplace unspecified, Canadian actress

James Soward, state of Texas, key grip/best boy

Joel William Gonzales, Los Angeles, California, Lil Mirkk

Kylie Travis, London, England, wife of Westchester real estate magnate

Lou Lou, birthplace unspecified, American porn star

Mark Phillips, Santa Monica, California, composer

Michelle Ho, Rochford, England, short filmmaker

Mirek Vaňura, Hradec Králové, Czechoslovakia, writer

Teresa DePriest, Conroe, Texas, comedian

I love people who take pictures of decrepit old hotels. I suppose that means I owe my appreciation to those who make decrepit old hotels possible. I am indebted to Today’s Winner for marrying almost as rich as yesterday’s birthday girl Melania Trump. Her husband, Louis R. Cappelli, seems to have a hand in all manner of upstate New York real estate shenanigans. I guess every casino that gets built has a tangled backstory. But if one ever actually gets built here (which once was here, and is now no place at all), it will truly be astonishing.

If only the Borscht Belt could have held on just a few more years. I would go there, if it had. All the time.

born 26 April 1970

Chris Hirt, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania, video game voice talent

Danielle Arbid, Beirut, Lebanon, writer/director

Eric Anderson, Parsons, Kansas, writer

Ferenc Vizes, Nagykáta, Hungary, extra

Jean-Christophe Jeauffré, Paris, France, explorer

Lubomir Bakchev, Varna, Bulgaria, cinematographer

Mark Tapio Kines, Danvers, Massachusetts, short filmmaker

Melania Knauss, Sevnica, Yugoslavia, mother of Barron Trump

Ruth Ann Boyle, Sunderland, England, singer

Sébastien Folin, Antananarivo, Madagascar, radio host

Steven Ranelli, East Boston, Massachusetts, extra

Steven Richter, Rathenow, East Germany, reality TV production manager

Tionne Tenese Watkins, Des Moines, Iowa, T-Boz

Holy crap: there appears to be a real-life French rival to Wes Anderson’s Team Zissou. Today’s Winner has a thriving career as an international maritime explorer/documentarian. The sad fact is that alternate internet sources indicate that our man was born well before 1970. But I can’t pass up honoring that kind of crazy ambition in action anyway.

born 25 April 1970

A.J. Gilbert, Roslyn Heights, New York, production assistant

Craig Appel, birthplace unspecified, American stuntman

Gisa Bergmann, Dresden, East Germany, actress

Ismail Bashey, Bombay, India, actor

Jason Lee, Orange, California, actor

Jason Wiles, Kansas City, Missouri, actor

Mayu Tsuruta, prefecture of Kanagawa, Japan, actress

Nick Lyon, Pocatello, Idaho, writer/director

Paul Torrisi, London, England, UK “Apprentice” contestant

Viviana Puerta, Buenos Aires, Argentina, actress

I love Jason Lee. I really do. I think he has an alertness and a warmth as a comic screen performer that few alive can match. I always like to point people to Mumford, a sweetly ridiculous small town comedy with film noir dressing. The whole ensemble is a delight; in particular, Lee’s skateboarding millionaire robotics enthusiast stands as an enduring image of the first fantasized wave of 90s tech millionaires on film, a still-underexploited fictional category.

But Lee has had one too many Scientology meetings and two or three too many Kevin Smith films to qualify for my short list. Instead I’ll make today’s winner this guy, because his face seems very familiar, yet I don’t believe I’ve ever seen any of his films. Curious.

born 24 April 1970

Chris Dechert, Los Angeles, California, assistant property master

Damien Fleming, Bentley, Australia, cricketer

Dida Diafat, Algiers, Algeria, kickboxer

Erik “Hot Jobs” Dehkhoda, Los Angeles, California, digital compositor

Goran Trencovski, Strumica, Yugoslavia, Macedonian TV director

Greg Benoit, Pensacola, Florida, short filmmaker

Jason Cuadrado, county of Queens, New York, short filmmaker

Karen Murden, Nottingham, England, actress

Kiff Vanden Heuvel, Grand Rapids, Michigan, extra

Michael Webber, Cincinnati, Ohio, documentarian

Stelio Savante, Cape Town, South Africa, actor

Michael Webber takes today’s prize for coming up with a very solid title for his documentary about people who keep exotic animals as pets.

born 23 April 1970

Andrzej Zgud, Slawno, Poland, actor

Brent Bateman, Rock Island, Illinois, extra

Claudio Quinteros, Buenos Aires, Argentina, actor

Cristina Perales, Valencia, Spain, actress

Dan Settani, Bridgeport, Connecticut, gunshot victim/cashiered luxury hotel valet

Joanne Lamstein, New York, New York, stuntwoman

Murielle Iris, Paris, France, location scout

Sadao Abe, Chiba, Japan, actor

Scott Bairstow, Steinbach, Manitoba, actor

Stéphane Collonge, birthplace unspecified, French production designer

Sylvain Trystam, birthplace unspecified, French unit manager

Today’s Winner: Zgud, yes?

born 22 April 1970

Bobbie Blyle, Salt Lake City, Utah, assistant director

Brynhildur Björnsdóttir, Reykjavík, Iceland, journalist

Heli Takala (died 3 August 1998), Jyväskylä, Finalnd, actress

Mano Brown, São Paolo, Brazil, rapper

Regine Velasquez, Tondo, The Philippines, singer

Virgilio Garcia, New York, New York, “Survivor” contestant

Facebook is not my cup of tea, but it’s occasionally good for a laugh.

For instance, the repeated use of the name of Today’s Winner on this page cracks me up.

born 21 April 1970

Alice Wu, San Jose, California, writer/director/lesbian software designer

Andy Austin, state of Tennesee, saxophone player

Ane Mandrup, Odense, Denmark, producer

Caroline Yeh, Santa Monica, California, script supervisor

Eduardo Abon, New York, New York, digital compositor

Glen Hansard, Dublin, Ireland, singer/songwriter/actor

Jeff Anderson, county of Monmouth, New Jersey, Kevin Smith running buddy

Nicole Sullivan, New York, New York, actress

Rob Riggle, Louisville, Kentucky, comedian/reservist

Sasha Hupman, Munich, West Germany, basketball player

Shigeo Kobayashi, Tokyo, Japan, actor

Stephen Chukumba, Washington, D.C., security goon

I like Today’s Winner. He’s up there with Seth Rogan and Gilbert Gottfried as one of the best shouters in the business.

Honorable mention to Glen Hansard. That one movie he was in is so sappy, but it actually kind of works. It’s hilarious too how much that guy is hated in Dublin. It’s kind of like Kobe Bryant with respect to Philadelphia.

born 20 April 1970

Adam Wójcik, Olawa, Poland, actor

Adriano Moraes, Quintana, Brazil, bull rider

Audrey Ransom (died 8 March 2001), birthplace unspecified, production assistant

Erik R. Kraber, birthplace unspecified, American sound editor

Glen Naessens, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania, “The Real World Los Angeles” participant

Mila, Odessa, Soviet Union, Ukranian porn star/psychology Ph.D

Rogier Gerritsen, Haarlem, The Netherlands, short filmmaker

Sabina Bambur, Trebinje, Yugoslavia, Bosnian actress

Shemar Moore, Oakland, California, actor

Torrence Davis, Boston, Massachusetts, short filmmaker

Can’t really pick a winner today. Sabina Bambur is the name that’s the most fun to say, so I guess she’s it.

born 19 April 1970

Anne Fowler, birthplace unspecified, English porn star

Hen Avigdori, Petah Tikva, Israel, TV writer

Iain Gardner, Glasgow, Scotland, animator

Jamie Shields, Toronto, Ontario, composer

Kelly Holmes, Pembury, England, miler

Lo Kauppi, Stockholm, Sweden, actress

Luis Miguel, San Juan, Puerto Rico, Mexican singer

Marina Proctor, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, makeup artist

Michael Barrow, Homestead, Pennsylvania, NFL football player

Per Kristiansen, Drammen, Norway, information technologies systems administrator

Roberto Schinardi, Turin, Italy, short filmmaker

Vojko Anzeljc, Ljubljana, Yugoslavia, Slovenian writer/director

Unless you want to count Olympic champion women’s middle distance runner Kelly Holmes, Today’s Winner is the only international superstar on this list. I suspect he’s also the only person on this list turning forty in a Cedars-Sinai hospital bed, recovering (we hope) from a bronchial infection contracted as a complication of a pre-fortieth-birthday liposuction gone horribly awry. Yowch. Get well, get well, Luis Miguel.

born 18 April 1970

Christophe Van Rompaey, Ghent, Belgium, TV director

Esther Schweins, Oberhausen, West Germany, actress

Greg Eklund, Jacksonville, Florida, musician

Greg Russo, West Orange, New Jersey, writer/producer

Jason Smith, birthplace unspecified, American sports talk radio host

Jorge Zabaleta, Santiago, Chile, actor

Ken Baker, birthplace unspecified, American journalist/former Us Weekly west coast bureau chief

Lisa LoCicero, Grosse Pointe, Michigan, actress/twitterer

Lisa Phillips, Belfast, Northern Ireland, porn star

Marco Sprinz, Haltern am See, West Germany, soap opera actor

Mira Husseini, birthplace unspecified, American publicist

Sean Harry, London, England, theater actor

Tess Merkel, Nyköping, Sweden, singer

Thomas Kaiser, Oslo, Norway, TV actor

W. Robert Millar, Vernon, British Columbia, assistant location manager/cartographer

Willie Roaf, Pine Bluff, Arkansas, NFL football player

New Jersey: birthplace of cinema.

Specifically, West Orange, New Jersey, birthplace of Today’s Winner. In just 108 years, New Jersey cinema has progressed from this to this. Though I try to stay away from Wikipedia links, the Edison’s Black Maria article is a good example of the kind of thing Jimmy Wales and company routinely knock out of the park. Concise, yet suggestive, and chock full of interesting mystery.

How on earth is it that we haven’t had a Thomas Edison biopic in seventy years? An eight-part HBO miniseries seems about right. Even in 1940 MGM needed two movies with two different actors, Mickey Rooney and Spencer Tracy, to begin to tell the story.

I see Edward Norton as the star, or perhaps John Cusack.

born 17 April 1970

Adam Rom, birthplace unspecified, Russian porn star

Ayano Koshiro, Hino, Japan, graphic designer

Brendan Beiser, Boston, Massachusetts, Canadian actor

Catherine Sénart, birthplace unspecified, Québécois actress

Doug Johnson, Chatham, New Jersey, sound mixer

Jacek Borcuch, Kwidzyn, Poland, writer/director/actor

Márcio Garcia, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil, actor

Redman, Newark, New Jersey, rapper

Roberto Sosa, Mexico City, actor

Robin Brown, Phenix City, Alabama, Penthouse pet

Tamara Beckwith, birthplace unspecified, English socialite

Tami Roman, Mount Vernon, New York, actress

Terry Schiavo (not that one), Milan, Italy, actress

I just like the fact that Today’s Winner has made statements to the effect that the public is eagerly anticipating How High 2.

born 16 April 1970

Arjan de Zeeuw, Castricum, The Netherlands, soccer player

David Waszak, Grosse Pointe, Michigan, special effects supervisor/stuntman/makeup man/producer/cinematographer/ actor/weapons property master/robot consultant/editor/costume designer/driver

Denise Marie Knuff, Mentor, Ohio, associate producer

Dragan Calic, Belgrade, Yugoslavia, writer

Ettore Bassi, Bari, Italy, actor

Fran Robinson, state of California, actress

Gabrielle, London, England, singer

James Watson, Glasgow, Scotland, actor

Josh Veselka, Eagle Pass, Texas, children’s news producer

Margreth Olin, Stranda, Norway, writer/director

Oleg Jeknic, Sarajevo, Yugoslavia, short filmmaker

Walt Williams, Washington, D.C., NBA basketball player

Today’s Winner has nothing to do with his namesake pierogi mill, but the thought of Veselka (Ukranian for “rainbow”) always makes me happy.

born 15 April 1970

Chris Huffins, Brooklyn, New York, decathlete

Darrin Smith, Miami, Florida, NFL football player

Dominic Brunt, Lancashire, England, soap opera actor

Flex Alexander, New York, New York, actor

Gabriel Galíndez, Buenos Aires, Argentina, actor

Jon Messner, Milwaukee, Wisconsin, line producer

Karl Hayden, Dublin, Ireland, actor

Nicole Lace, birthplace unspecified, American porn star

Who remembered that a guy from Brooklyn took the bronze at Sydney? Not me, that’s for sure.

In honor of Today’s Winner, I have tried to come up with events for an Urban Decathlon.

Here’s what I came up with:

bridge cycling

java line

tenement grocery walkup

turnstile hurdle

high jump

100 parking meters

puddle vault

whiskey shot put

crosstown taxi

discuss

Please drop a note in the suggestion box if you come up with any better.